Far too many managers say they don’t have the time to do one-on-ones with their team.  This belief is not only hazardous to their success as a manager; it practically stalls any hope of becoming a great leader.  On today’s episode of the Manager Mojo Podcast, we learn that really great leaders know the power of one-on-ones, and they understand the key insights shared in today’s podcast.   Become the leader that practices these valuable steps, and you’ll become the leader that others want to follow.

YOU CAN READ THE TRANSCRIPT OF THE PODCAST HERE!

Today’s topic is going to be about one-one-ones. Now, I know that if you’ve been a manager more than about five minutes you’ve been told that you should be doing one-on-one.   However, if you’ve been a manager for more than 30 days you also know how extremely difficult it is to schedule it.  So, the title of today’s discussion is: One-on-Ones – Are They a Waste of Time, or are They Necessary?

Well, everybody probably knows that we should do one-on-ones, but the question really is: okay, if we do them, how often should we do them? And, then, I’ll get asked: “Is it really necessary to have a one-on-one with someone who’s been on your team for a long time and they’re doing a great job?” Good question. Another question I get is: “Shouldn’t that time be better used for newbies or non-performers?” Another good question. Then I get: “Hey, do I really wanna take away the production time from my top performers?” Wow, no, that’s a good point, do you really wanna take your top performers, uh, away from what they’re doing and have a one-on-one with them? Well, then, another good question: “Well, what should the format or my one-on-one even be? And how long should they be? How much time should I actually spend with them?” Well, these are all of the questions and reasons that I get from managers all the time when they tell me that they rarely do scheduled one-on-ones anymore. Now, I understand the questions – these are all good questions – but I really think that they’re all missing the real point, the real reason that you should be doing regular one-on-ones with your people.  What is that reason?  Let me just share it with you.

I believe that the real reason great leaders use regular one-on-ones is that they become the platform to build true trust, respect and relationship with their employees. Let me repeat that, in case you missed it, this is something that you should write down: the real reason that great leaders use one-on-ones is that these one-on-ones become the platform to build trust, respect and relationship with each one of their direct reports.

Without these three platforms – trust, respect and relationship – I can share with you that it’s almost impossible to provide the appropriate motivation to the individual team member. You just don’t know what makes them tick. There’s no way you can reach them because you don’t really know them – and even if you think you know them they don’t trust you, they don’t respect you, they don’t have a relationship, they’re not going to trust.

This is really, at the core, why so many managers also believe, simultaneously, that motivation is something that everybody ought to do for themselves.  How does this affect your direct report? Well, what happened is that they’ve just become another worker.  They’re just another person that you are responsible for and this doesn’t just affect their attitude, it also affects your attitude.  Let me explain what I mean.

When this happens, the focus for you becomes that you’re going to focus on the outcomes they produce rather than the process that they use to achieve the outcome.   You see, understanding the individual’s process – in other words, the way that they’re doing their job – that’s the key to improving an entire team’s productivity. You have to understand how each individual is accomplishing the goals of their job, and when you don’t you don’t know what to do.  And here’s the problem.

It’s not enough to just observe what they’re doing.   A lot of managers will say: “Well, what do I need a one-on-one for? I can watch them do their work. I see the outcome. I know what they’re doing.” Well, yeah, that’s true, what you see is what comes out of the funnel, but what you don’t know is what were the brain processes that they used in order to achieve that outcome? And a lot of the problems that we have is not because of the person really is not confident, it’s because they don’t have a thorough understanding  of what the process should be and you have to really understand an individual’s  process that they’re thinking and that they’re using in order to affect their results. You have to get inside those thoughts. You’ve got to understand what they perceive are their roadblocks. What are their perceptions? What roadblocks do they see? What obstacles are there in the way to achieve what the individual report wants to achieve?

Now, I would suggest without one-on-one how are you supposed to know what they really want to achieve in their career? Are you going to do some type of mind meld with them? Are – are you going to open up their brain and look inside and play the recording? I don’t think so. I don’t think you can do that, and yet, I think that manager after manager makes the assumption that – okay, I can figure it out by what they do.  I will tell you: “You absolutely cannot.”

You need to get inside and you need to find out exactly what’s going on. You know, the fact is, even if the only thing you understood is if your direct report even wants the next level of responsibility. How do you know what they want to do with their life and their career?

Are you aware that so many people quit the company that they’re working for just because their manager doesn’t ‘get’ them? Their manager can’t relate to them and they can’t relate to the manager and the reason they can’t relate is because this manager – this type of person – is not leading. They’re managing, manipulating. They’re not being a leader. They are not demonstrating involvement with the employee on an individual basis. The only way that they involve with them is the exception of pointing out the time that they don’t meet that manager’s expectation. So, I believe that there’s a huge opportunity for managers to step up, become leaders and lead in a powerful way. One-on-ones are the key to increasing individual understanding and it helps you demonstrate to that individual their specific role in the team structure. This is how you’re going to build a great team. Everybody has to understand their place.

Now, let’s answer a few of those initial questions that I asked about how often and how long and the structure about one-on-one because, it’s been my observation that, the real reason these don’t get scheduled is because most managers don’t have any structure to these meetings. They become what I call: “wing-it sessions.” And – so – they’ll do things like: “Hey, how are things going for you?” Okay, think about that if you were a child. What are they going to say? “Fine.”  Are they really going to say: “Well, it sucks because you’re not helping me.”  No, they’re not – it’s a closed-ended question. You give them an easy way out. “How are things going for you?” “Okay. Fine. Great. Yeah. Cool.” What do you think their real objection is? Hmm? They don’t want to share. They don’t know you.

Then you ask: “Okay, do you have any problems?” “Nope. No problems, boss.” “Do you have any questions?” “Nope. No       questions.” And the answers you get back are totally predictable when you ask these types of questions. The fact is: things will be okay. There will be ‘no problems, boss.’ There will be ‘no questions, boss.’  The only question they’re going to ask you is: “Hey, can I get back to work, boss?” You know what – that in itself should tell you that you have absolutely no real relationship and I promise you’ll have no impact whatsoever on them improving their productivity and improving their results.  Your employee is going to quickly pick up on the fact that you don’t want to be there either when it’s this disorganized.

Now let me ask you — how do you think I know this? Well, I’ve got to share with you that I did exactly the same thing when I first started managing.  I truly thought that one-on-ones were a complete waste of time.   If I had a problem with you then we’d meet.  Otherwise, let’s both save the time and keep working and keep moving forward.  I gave myself every excuse in the world, but here’s what I began to observe: I began to notice that the employees I knew something about and were more willing to open up and help, not just themselves, but also help me. These employees that I knew something about, where I had relationships, where I had trust, where I had respect, they were the ones who were the first to give me great ideas that would help the whole team.   We actually worked better together.

I began to notice that, and I began to ask myself, “Why don’t I have that with everybody?”  And I could only answer, “Because I’m not doing one-on-ones.  I don’t really know them.  I don’t know what makes them tick.” So, I committed to change my attitude toward these one-on-ones and I also changed my structure.

Let me tell you a couple of things that helped me with one-on-ones. You see, I think that one-on-one should be done no less than monthly and no more than weekly. I don’t believe you have to invest an hour of your time.  I see more and more managers say, “I just can’t afford to do an hour.” Well, you shouldn’t even be doing an hour. What you should invest is 15 – 30 minutes with each person, tops.  And, why do I say that? Because, if you are organized, you absolutely can get everything you need to start building trust, create respect, and create a relationship in 15 – 30 minutes.

Here’s what some of that structure was like for me.   I’d have an objective for the meeting. You should actually be able to write down what your objective for your meeting with that particular employee is. You don’t have to get fifteen objectives, just get one.

I think that every one of these one-on-ones, the very first thing you should do is review a success or two that individual has had. It doesn’t have to be a long thing. It doesn’t even have to be a big thing. It could be just something that you like. I mean, for example, what if I have an employee that they’re always on time. You know what?  I’m going to tell them.  I say: “I recognize that you’re always on time. I really appreciate it” and I start there. Now, if I’m going to review a failure in the one-on-one, I’m going to make it a real tiny failure, not something that clearly shows I’m disciplining them. What I want to do is have a good, short conversation with them.

I’m going to plan a couple of good open-ended questions that start a conversation that matches the goal I’ve set for that particular session.   I’m not going to allow a yes, or no, or a close-ended response to my question because that ruins the discussion and we don’t really learn anything. So, I’m going to ask questions that lead me toward that goal.

If I want to know more about how an employee thinks about the company I’m going to say: “You’ve been here for a while, like.  What are your impressions of the company? Tell me, what you think I could do better?”  I’m not afraid to ask them that question.  The reason is because when you open up about yourself and you say: “Hey, you know what? I’m not perfect. I make mistakes, but I want to do better.” And, I’ll tell you, you gain more respect than you can imagine because people today have this erroneous idea that they’ve got to be perfect. Everything’s got to be done exceptionally well.  And you know what?  It’d be great to be able to do that, but we’re human. We’re going to make mistakes. We’re not going to see all of the possibilities in front of us. Sometimes we’re going to turn left when we could have turned right and had a better result.  It’s okay.  That’s our job as leaders, to go forth, take a few chances, and do things the best way we see them.  But, it’s amazing at what respect, trust, and relationship you begin to build when you ask somebody: “Hey, could you give me an idea or two about one thing you think I could do better to help you?” There’s nothing better than asking the person you’re talking to: “How can I help you today?” Wow, what a great, great question.

So very few people are willing to answer that. You know why? Because they don’t want to do it.   If they get an answer they don’t want to do that one thing.   I would suggest to you that it’s doing that one thing, followed up by doing another thing, followed up by doing another one thing that creates a level of trust and respect and relationship with your employees that transforms them into people that want to be on your team.

That’s the reason why I want to have that type of format. I don’t want to have a disciplinary meeting with somebody.   I want to have an exploratory meeting, so I can figure out how – they and me, in other words, we – that little word it’s you and it’s me and together we’re we – I want to know how we can improve as a team.   Because if it’s you and that person – that direct report in the one-on-one – you are a team of two. So, you’ve got to ask them how you can improve and you want to ask them things like: “Tell me, what do you think would make your job better? Easier? More effective? And more enjoyable?” Yeah, you should actually ask employees what would make your job more enjoyable. Oh my gosh, we spend so much time at work each week and nobody ever asks their direct report: “Hey, is there anything I can do to make your job more enjoyable this week?” You know why they don’t ask?   Because so many of them are such a pain in the butt of their employees that they know what they’re going to say: “Hey, if you just relax a little bit and let me do my job that would be more enjoyable.” Well, you know what? Maybe you ought to be relaxing a little bit more and letting them do their job.

So, what you want to do is ask that person to give you examples and when they give you examples, I’m telling you, you’re going to be able to learn things that you never would have thought about before. So, think about, in this one-on-one, how you relate to your friend? How do you talk with one another? What gets a conversation started? What keeps a conversation going? Use those as clues to build a system that will work for you. Then the key is to actually do these regularly. Let me repeat that: do these one-on-ones regularly. Like I said, either once a month, certainly no more than weekly, but you want to do this regularly.  Learn to set the expectation that they will happen, and it will make it more enjoyable for both of you.

Year after year after year I hear the same complaints from employees.  They tell me: “My manager never really has a discussion with me.  They complain that the only time they really meet with their manager is for the annual performance review.   And I’ve got to tell you, when that happens in – in my experiences in company after company, everybody hates these annual performance reviews, both the managers and the employees. Why? Because they’re usually negative. They’re usually focused on what happened the last three months of the year — if you’re lucky, if you’re an employee that has a good manager, or the last three weeks if you’ve got a typical manager.   It’s not over the whole year.

The big problem is that there’s no relationship. There’s no real relationship.   Regular meetings will diffuse the difficulty even in these annual meetings. The reason is because there won’t be any surprises. Your employee will already be on the same page as you are and that’s very helpful.

Now, the final advantage of having regular one-on-one, is that this is truly the way to create a really affective team. The reason is because you would have the knowledge of every team member. You’ll have everyone’s ideas. You’ll have everyone’s struggles. You’ll have everyone’s roadblocks.  Because you have that data you now have the ability to develop a plan for your team that will maximize everybody’s result.   The cool thing is, you’ll have the relationship with each person necessary to motivate each individual to drive through the tough times – the tough obstacles and the tough road blocks that appear in everybody’s job.

You’ll have built the reputation of a leader that really and truly cares and that actually acts upon the knowledge that they’ve been given.